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Christmas Quotes

Funny Christmas Quotes And Messages

It's Christmas time, and we love a good quote! You need some Christmas cheer, whether it's to write a message on a Christmas card or just bring someone some festive cheer, there's a festive saying which you need. But what do you write? Something funny? Something inspirational? Something for the family or friends? Whatever you're looking for, we have some brilliant ones.

There's plenty messages on our Christmas T Shirts which are filled with seasonal spirit and are great for a good laugh. But if you're looking for a message for a greetings card or just want to spread some positivity, there's plenty of ways to do it. From the famous quotes to hilarious statements, here's our favourites.

The Best Quotes From Christmas Films & Movies

Who doesn't love a good Christmas film? We all do! We've all got out favourites, and they come with messages and quotes, some funny, some inspirational, and always memorable. Here's a few of the best quotes from the best Christmas films we all know and love, and you can check out a huge list of quote too, if you're looking for more.

IT's a wonderful life

It's A Wonderful Life - 1946

"Look, Daddy. Teacher says, every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings." — Zuzu Bailey 

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - 1989

"Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse." - Clark Griswald [clip]

"Check Every Bulk" - Clark Griswald


Gremlins - 1984

"First of all, keep him out of the light, he hates bright light, especially sunlight, it'll kill him. Second, don't give him any water, not even to drink. But the most important rule, the rule you can never forget, no matter how much he cries, no matter how much he begs, never feed him after midnight."

Home Alone - 1990

"I'm gonna give you to the count of ten to get your ugly, yella, no good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead." [clip]

Home Alone 2: Lost In New York - 1992

" I'm gonna give you to the count of three to get your lousy, lyin', low-down, four flushing carcass OUT my door! 1... 2..."

"Merry Christmas Ya Filthy Animal."

Home Alone

Jingle All The Way - 1996

"I want the Turbo Man action figure with the arms and legs that move and the boomerang shooter and his rock'n roller jet pack and the realistic voice activator that says 5 different phrases including, "It's Turbo time!" Accessories sold separately. Batteries not included"

Elf Film Quotes

Elf - 2003

"Santa OMG! Santa's Coming! I know him! I know him!

"There's room for everyone on the nice list"

Mean Girls - 2004

"Four for you Glen Coco. You go Glen Coco"

Mean Girls Christmas Quote

Inspirational Christmas Quotes

If you're looking for some inspiration for a greetings card or just a message for someone, there's plenty of thought provoking and inspiring quotes which you can use this festive season. Here's a few of our favourites.

  1. Christmas isn't a season, it's a feeling.
  2. For it is in giving that we receive.
  3. Christmas time is family time.
  4. Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.
  5. Have yourself a merry little Christmas.
  6. It's not what's under the Christmas tree that matters, it's who's around it.
  7. The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.
  8. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
  9. Happiness is catching snowflakes on your tongue.
  10. Make it a December to remember.

Funny Christmas Quotes

What is Christmas time without laughter? We all love a jolly old laugh at Christmas time, so if you want a good quote, or a hilarious message for a card, here's some of the best quotes which are worth a chuckle. You can find a ton more on Pinterest, but for now, here's the ones we're really digging!

The main reason Santa is jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

What happens under the mistletoe, stays under the mistletoe.

Don't get your tinsel in a tangle

Don't get your tinsel in a tangle!

Meet me under the mistletoe

It's all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list.

I'm getting into the Christmas Spirit

I'm getting into the Christmas spirit. Gin, vodka, whisky and rum.

Santa saw your instagram posts

Santa saw your Instagram pictures. You're getting clothes and a bible for Christmas.

Dear Santa, I can explain...

Santa Claus has the right idea. Only visit people once a year.

It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas

It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

I once bought my kids a pack of batteries for Christmas and told them, "Toys are not included".

I Love taking back christmas presents on boxing day

I love Christmas. I receive a lot of presents I look forward to exchanging in the shops on Boxing day.

Buying this years christmas presents with next years money

Buying this years gifts with next year's money. The true meaning of Christmas.

Three statements which are true at Christmas. Peace on Earth, good will to all men and batteries not included.

The jolliest bunch of elves this side of the nuthouse.

Let's spend all our money on things we don't need.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. Or Red, Or Rosé

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. Or red, or rosé.

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